It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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