i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sext me about skeletons
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
