A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
