is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she smelled like a LAN party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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