I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
