nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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