I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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