i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
