You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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