she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
