im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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