So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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