all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
please don't ironically join a cult
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