dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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