i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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