so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
