We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have post one night stand depression
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
