the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
