I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
