So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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