Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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