sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
