***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
