Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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