you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
