i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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