i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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