The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
