Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
