i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
