I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
