So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
