your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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