I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
