i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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