at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
