I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
