Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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