My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
