She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
