her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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