Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
