so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
