"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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