Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
