That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
