Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
