So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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