i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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