it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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