when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it's like iHOP with fire
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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