don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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