I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
