My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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