Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
