is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
handjob tips. give me some.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
