How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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